Internal Family Systems Therapy
What is Internal Family Systems Therapy and how can it help me?
Sometimes you know exactly how you want to respond when your partner criticizes you, you get feedback at work, or your kid is screaming and throwing stuff around.
But then suddenly you’re getting defensive, withdrawing and staying silent or snapping just like another part of you took over.
Or maybe part of you wants to set a boundary while another worries you’ll disappoint someone.
Or a part of you wants to rest, but another tells you to keep working.
Part of you knows the relationship isn’t healthy, yet another desperately wants to hold on.
Part of you feels calm one moment and overwhelmed the next.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why do I keep doing this when I know better?” you’re not alone.
You don’t have to keep doing the back and forth or reacting without choosing how you want to respond before it’s coming out of your mouth or your body is shrinking into itself.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps us understand these different parts and choices with compassion rather than criticism. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” we begin asking, “What is this part trying to protect?”
At Colorado Wildflower Counseling, I use Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy alongside EMDR and somatic therapy to help adults heal from trauma, anxiety, grief, relationship struggles, parenting stress, perfectionism, self-criticism, and life transitions throughout Denver and across Colorado.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapy that springs from many different modalities including inner child work, schema therapy, humanistic, and other great minds and more recently sculpted by Dr. Richard Schwartz that understands the mind as naturally made up of different parts, each with its own thoughts, emotions, memories, nervous system responses, and protective strategies.
This doesn’t mean you have multiple personalities.
It means you’re human and we all have different sides of ourselves.
The part that worries.
The part that works hard.
The part that wants adventure.
The part that wants to stay safe.
The part that avoids conflict.
The part that longs to be deeply connected.
Most of us recognize these experiences already but Internal Family Systems gives us some language that can help us understand ourselves.
IFS works on replacing judgment, dislike, and distrust with curiosity.
Rather than seeing anxiety, perfectionism, people pleasing, anger, procrastination, or self-criticism as flaws, IFS asks an entirely different question:
“How has this part been trying to help?”
That question alone can completely change how we relate to ourselves.
Why Do Different Parts of Me Want Different Things?
One of the biggest reliefs people experience in IFS is realizing they aren’t “contradictory.”
They’re complex.
Imagine someone thinking:
“Part of me wants to leave my job.”
“Part of me is terrified to leave.”
“Part of me knows I’ll be okay.”
“Part of me believes I’ll fail.”
All of these experiences can exist at the same time.
None of them are wrong.
Each part developed for a reason based on your life experiences.
Many protective strategies that feel frustrating today once helped you survive difficult situations.
That perfectionistic part may have learned that mistakes weren’t safe. Or even that we were praised when we did really well which led us to believe that doing less wasn’t celebrated in our family.
The people pleasing part may have discovered that keeping others happy helped preserve important relationships.
The anxious part may simply be trying to make sure you’re prepared for every possible outcome.
When we understand these parts instead of fighting them, lasting change becomes much more possible.
What Is the Self in IFS?
At the center of Internal Family Systems is something called Self.
Self isn’t another part.
It’s the calm, compassionate, curious, connected presence that exists within every person.
I often think of Self like the sun behind the clouds.
After trauma, anxiety, chronic stress, grief, or difficult life experiences, the clouds can become so thick that it feels like the sun has disappeared.
But it hasn’t.
The sun never stopped shining.
It’s simply been hidden.
IFS isn’t about creating a new version of yourself.
It’s about helping those protective clouds soften enough that your natural qualities can shine through again.
When we’re connected with Self, we often experience what IFS calls the 8 Cs:
- Calm
- Curiosity
- Compassion
- Confidence
- Courage
- Creativity
- Clarity
- Connectedness
These qualities are already within you.
Therapy helps you reconnect with them.
I also like to add the 9th C of Choice. Even with all these parts expressing different ideas, I can hear all of them and then Choose from a place of calm.
How Does Internal Family Systems Therapy Work?
IFS therapy isn’t about forcing change or convincing parts to disappear.
Instead, we begin building relationships with them.
During sessions we might notice a part that becomes anxious before social situations.
A part that criticizes you whenever you make a mistake.
A part that always needs to stay productive.
A younger part carrying fear of rejection.
Together we’ll gently explore:
- What is this part trying to protect?
- When did it first begin doing this job?
- What does it need from you now?
- What would help it feel less alone?
As trust develops, these parts often become less extreme because they no longer have to work so hard to keep you safe.
Healing doesn’t come from getting rid of parts.
It comes from helping every part feel understood.
What Are Protectors and Exiles?
IFS describes several different kinds of parts.
Protective parts work incredibly hard to prevent emotional pain.
Some try to stay in control through perfectionism, planning, overthinking, achievement, or people pleasing. Your manager part, anyone?
Others, such as Firefighters, step in after pain has already been activated through distraction, emotional eating, anger, shutting down, avoiding, or numbing.
Underneath those protectors are often younger parts-sometimes called exiles-that carry painful experiences, loneliness, shame, grief, fear, or beliefs formed earlier in life and that we try to avoid experiencing again.
The protectors aren’t the problem.
They’re often doing exactly what they learned they had to do to help you survive.
When those protectors finally feel safe enough to step back, healing becomes possible for the parts carrying the deepest wounds.
What Happens During an IFS Therapy Session?
One of the questions I hear most is:
“Will I have to relive my trauma?”
No.
IFS is intentionally gentle.
We move as fast as your slowest part.
That means we don’t force memories.
We don’t push past hesitation.
We don’t override your nervous system.
Instead, we build safety first.
Sessions are collaborative, paced with your consent, and guided by curiosity.
Sometimes we’ll simply notice what happens inside your body.
Sometimes we’ll get to know a protective part that’s showing up during your week.
Sometimes we’ll explore a memory but only when your whole system feels ready.
Healing happens through building a curious and compassionate relationship with ourselves.
How IFS Helps Heal Trauma
Trauma often leaves us feeling disconnected from ourselves.
IFS helps restore that connection.
Instead of asking you to relive overwhelming experiences, we gently connect with the parts carrying those experiences while staying grounded in present day safety.
This process can reduce shame, self-blame, and inner conflict while increasing compassion and emotional regulation.
At Colorado Wildflower Counseling, I often integrate IFS with EMDR and somatic therapy because each approach supports healing in a different way.
IFS helps us understand who inside is hurting.
EMDR helps painful memories become less overwhelming.
Somatic therapy helps your nervous system discover greater safety and regulation.
Together these approaches support healing emotionally, cognitively, and physically.
What Can Internal Family Systems Therapy Help With?
IFS therapy can support healing from many different concerns, including:
- Trauma and PTSD
- Complex trauma
- Anxiety and chronic worry
- Depression
- Perfectionism
- People pleasing
- Burnout
- Parenting stress
- Relationship challenges
- Attachment wounds
- Self-criticism
- Shame
- Emotional overwhelm
- Grief and loss
- Moral injury
- Life transitions
- Low self-worth
- Difficulty trusting yourself
Read some of my blogs on Internal Family Systems Therapy here:
healing with Internal Family Systems Therapy in Colorado
Finding Clarity in Internal Family Systems Therapy Colorado healing with Internal Family Systems Therapy in Colorado
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Internal Family Systems therapy evidence-based?
Yes. Research continues to grow supporting IFS for trauma, anxiety, depression, PTSD, chronic pain, and emotional well-being. Many therapists also integrate IFS with other evidence-based approaches such as EMDR and somatic therapies.
Is IFS the same as parts work?
Internal Family Systems is one specific model of parts work. While other therapies may talk about different “parts” of ourselves, IFS provides a structured framework for understanding and healing those parts through curiosity, compassion, and connection.
Can IFS help anxiety?
Yes. Rather than trying to eliminate anxiety, IFS helps us understand the anxious part’s protective role. As that part feels heard and supported, many people notice anxiety becoming less overwhelming and more manageable.
Can IFS be combined with EMDR?
Absolutely. I frequently integrate IFS with EMDR because they complement each other beautifully. IFS helps us understand and build trust with the parts involved, while EMDR helps the brain process memories that remain emotionally stuck once all the parts are on board and it feels safe to let go or process past trauma.
What if I don’t notice different parts?
That’s completely okay. Many people don’t immediately recognize parts, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience IFS. We’ll simply begin with whatever thoughts, emotions, body sensations, or patterns you notice. The language of “parts” often becomes more natural over time.
Begin Internal Family Systems Therapy in Colorado
You don’t have to keep fighting yourself.
The parts that feel anxious, critical, exhausted, angry, or overwhelmed aren’t trying to ruin your life.
More often than not, they’re trying to protect it.
Together, we’ll get curious about the roles they’ve been carrying, build compassion for the ways they’ve helped you survive, and create space for your natural confidence, clarity, and calm to emerge.
If you’re looking for an Internal Family Systems therapist in Denver or anywhere in Colorado, I’d be honored to support your healing journey.
Reach out today to schedule a free consultation and learn whether IFS, EMDR, somatic therapy, or an integrative approach feels like the best fit for you.
Ready to heal?
Call, text or email now to get a free consultation:
Contact – Colorado Wildflower Counseling
Therapy: EMDR IFS somatic – Colorado Wildflower Counseling
Check out my Instagram here, also. Naomi-EMDR, IFS, Somatic therapist in Colorado (@coloradowildflowercounseling) • Instagram photos and videos
And my Tik Tok account which is also a work in progress: Colorado Wildflower Counseling (@colorado.wildflow) | TikTok
Naomi Greenstone, LCSW is an EMDR-certified therapist in Colorado specializing in trauma, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, parenting, attachment wounds, nervous system regulation, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Deep Brain Reorienting, and Somatic Integration and Processing therapy.
Virtual therapy serving Denver, Aurora, Lakewood, Boulder, Longmont, Vail, Breckenridge, Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, Grand Junction, Durango, Telluride, Centennial, Parker Westminster, Arvada, Littleton, and surrounding Colorado communities.
