IFS Unblending: What Does Internal Family Systems Therapy Look Like?

What does IFS therapy actually look like? Learn how IFS unblending can help you understand protective parts, emotions, trauma, anxiety, and relationship patterns.
If you’ve ever wondered, “What does IFS therapy actually look like in a session?”, you’re not alone.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can look different from session to session because it follows what is happening inside of you rather than forcing you through a predetermined set of questions or steps.
One part of IFS therapy that we might explore is called unblending.
Unblending can be a way of creating some space between your grounded Self and a part of you that may be carrying an emotion, memory, belief, or protective role. Exploring curiosity and compassion that we might have for a part of ourselves that at times we want to get rid of is one of the steps towards unblending.
And no, the goal isn’t to get rid of the anxious part, angry part, overwhelmed part, or the part that desperately wants to shut everything down.
Instead, IFS invites us to become curious about those parts and understand what they may be trying to help you with.

What Is Unblending in IFS Therapy?

In Internal Family Systems therapy, we can experience different “parts” of ourselves that have developed different roles over time.
You might have a part that worries about everything.
Another part might become angry quickly.
A part that might overthink conversations for hours afterward.
Another might want to avoid conflict at all costs.
You might have a part that pushes you to be productive, a part that tries to keep everyone happy, or a part that wants to withdraw when things feel overwhelming.
These parts aren’t problems that need to be eliminated.
Many developed as protective strategies in response to experiences, relationships, environments, or emotions that felt difficult or overwhelming at the time.
Sometimes a part can become so activated that it feels like it has completely taken over.
That’s where the idea of unblending can become useful.
Unblending means creating a little more space between your grounded Self and the part that is activated.
You aren’t pushing the part away.
You’re not arguing with it.
You’re not trying to make it disappear.
You’re becoming curious about it.

What Might IFS Unblending Look Like in a Therapy Session?

There isn’t one exact IFS script that every session follows.
Instead, your therapist may gently invite you to notice what is happening inside.
For example, you might notice:

• Where you sense the part in your body
• What emotions or physical sensations are present
• What thoughts, memories, or beliefs seem connected to it
• How you feel toward the part
• What the part may be trying to protect you from
• What the part is afraid might happen if it stopped doing its job

You might notice tightness in your chest.
A heaviness in your stomach.
A racing mind.
A strong urge to fix something.
A desire to withdraw.
Or perhaps a familiar thought like:
“I should be spending time with my kids instead of taking a break and reading in bed.”
“I have to get this right.”
“Everyone is going to be upset with me.”
“I can’t let anyone down.”
“Something bad is going to happen.”
Rather than immediately trying to change the reaction, IFS gives us an opportunity to slow down and get curious.

What Does “Getting Curious About a Part” Mean?

Curiosity in IFS doesn’t mean analyzing yourself endlessly.
It can be much simpler.
You might notice the part and internally acknowledge:
“I notice you.”
“I see that you’re here.”
“I’m curious about what you’re trying to do for me.”
The goal isn’t to force an answer.
Sometimes the part may have a lot to say.
Sometimes nothing comes up.
Sometimes you may notice an image, a memory, a sensation, an emotion, or simply a sense that something is there.
All of that can be information.
IFS therapy allows us to approach these experiences with curiosity and compassion rather than immediately judging them.
Read more about Compassion and Curiosity here:
Compassion in IFS Therapy Colorado-Internal Family Systems Counseling – Colorado Wildflower Counselingcompassion-ifs-therapy-colorado
IFS Therapy in Colorado: Why Curiosity Is a First Step to Healing – Colorado Wildflower Counseling

Why Don’t We Just Get Rid of the Anxious or Angry Part?

This is one of the things people sometimes find surprising about IFS therapy.
If a part is causing anxiety, anger, overthinking, or overwhelm, why not just make it stop?
IFS takes a different approach.
Instead of assuming the part is the problem, we can become curious about why it is doing what it is doing.
A part that worries constantly may believe worrying keeps you prepared.
A part that becomes angry may be trying to protect a boundary.
A part that shuts down may have learned that withdrawing is safer than staying engaged.
A part that tries to keep everyone happy may have learned that belonging or safety depends on anticipating other people’s needs.
That doesn’t mean every strategy is still helpful today.
It means there may be a reason the strategy developed in the first place.
Understanding that reason can create possibilities for change.

IFS Parts Work and the Nervous System

Our protective strategies aren’t only thoughts.
They can also show up in the body.
You might notice your heart racing, muscles tightening, your stomach dropping, feeling restless, becoming numb, or suddenly wanting to escape a situation.
This is one reason IFS can work well alongside somatic therapy.
Rather than focusing exclusively on the story in your head, therapy can include noticing what is happening in your body and how your nervous system responds.
Sometimes the body notices something before the thinking part of your brain has caught up.

How IFS Therapy Can Help With Anxiety

Anxiety can involve many different protective parts.
One part may constantly scan for what could go wrong.
Another may replay conversations.
Another may try to control and prepare for every possible outcome.
Another may become overwhelmed by uncertainty.
IFS doesn’t require us to fight those parts.
Instead, we can become curious about what they’re afraid would happen if they stopped worrying or trying to control things.
That question can sometimes open the door to a much deeper understanding of the roots of the anxiety.

IFS Therapy for Trauma and Attachment Wounds

Protective parts can also develop around traumatic or painful experiences.
Some parts may carry fear, shame, grief, anger, or beliefs about safety and relationships.
Others may take on protective roles designed to prevent those feelings from happening again.
For someone with attachment wounds, for example, a part may become highly alert to signs of rejection or disconnection.
Another part may avoid vulnerability altogether.
Another may work very hard to keep relationships stable.
IFS therapy can provide a way to explore these patterns without treating any part of you as broken or bad.

IFS and Parenting Triggers

Parenting can activate protective parts in surprisingly powerful ways.
Maybe your child is having a meltdown about getting off of their device and your reaction feels much bigger than the situation seems to warrant.
Maybe your child doesn’t listen after you’ve asked them five times to put on their shoes to get to school and suddenly you’re furious.
Maybe their distress immediately becomes your emergency.
Sometimes these reactions can connect with experiences your own nervous system learned earlier in life.
IFS can provide a way to become curious about the part that gets activated.
What is this part afraid would happen?
What does it need you to understand?
What is it trying to protect?
The goal isn’t to become a perfectly calm parent who never gets triggered.
The goal can be developing more space between the trigger and the reaction so you have more choices about how you respond.

IFS and Relationship Patterns

Parts can also become activated in romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, and other important connections.
You may notice a part that:

• Fears abandonment
• Avoids conflict
• Tries to keep everyone happy
• Becomes angry when you feel dismissed
• Overthinks texts or conversations
• Wants reassurance
• Pulls away when you feel vulnerable
• Tries to anticipate what everyone else needs

Instead of simply labeling these patterns as “too much” or “not healthy,” IFS can help you understand the protective purpose behind them.
That understanding can create room for different choices.

Does Unblending Mean Ignoring or Pushing Away a Part?

No.
Unblending isn’t about suppressing an emotion or forcing a part into silence.
It’s also not about pretending everything is okay.
The intention is to create enough space that you can relate to the part differently.
You might be able to say:
“I see that you’re really scared.”
“I understand why you’re trying so hard.”
“You don’t have to disappear.”
“I’m here with you.”
Sometimes simply changing the relationship you have with a part can be an important part of the work.

What Does IFS Therapy Feel Like?

There isn’t one universal IFS therapy experience.
For some people, it feels surprisingly gentle.
For others, it can bring up emotions, memories, or sensations they weren’t expecting.
You don’t have to know how to identify all of your parts before starting IFS therapy.
You also don’t have to be able to visualize parts or immediately understand where they came from.
IFS can be adapted to what feels accessible and manageable for you.
Therapy can move slowly enough to build safety and curiosity before exploring more vulnerable material.

IFS Therapy Can Be Combined With Other Approaches

IFS doesn’t necessarily have to happen in isolation.
Depending on your goals and what feels appropriate, IFS therapy can be integrated with approaches such as EMDR therapy and somatic therapy.
For example, IFS may help you understand the protective parts involved in a traumatic experience, while EMDR may be used to process distressing memories.
Somatic work can help bring attention to the physical sensations and nervous system responses that accompany those experiences.
The approach can be tailored to the person rather than forcing every client into the same therapy process.
Read more about EMDR therapy here:
EMDR Therapy in Colorado: Heal Attachment, Anxiety, Trauma, Depression and more – Colorado Wildflower Counseling

Can EMDR Work If You Don’t Remember Your Childhood Trauma? – Colorado Wildflower Counseling

Heal Trauma and patterns with EMDR Therapy Colorado

Finding an IFS Therapist in Denver or Colorado

If you’re looking for an IFS therapist in Denver or anywhere in Colorado, Colorado Wildflower Counseling offers Internal Family Systems therapy for adults, along with EMDR and somatic therapy.
I work with adults with trauma, anxiety, attachment wounds, relationship patterns, parenting triggers, intrusive thoughts, grief, life transitions, and other experiences that can leave protective strategies working overtime.
IFS therapy isn’t about getting rid of parts of yourself.
It’s about developing a different relationship with all of you.
If you’re curious about whether IFS therapy might be a good fit, you can learn more about Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy in Colorado or reach out to schedule a consultation.

Frequently Asked Questions About IFS Unblending

What is unblending in IFS therapy?

Unblending in Internal Family Systems therapy refers to creating space between your grounded Self and a part that is strongly activated or carrying an emotion, belief, memory, or protective role.

How do I know if I am blended with a part?

You may notice that an emotion, thought, or protective response feels very intense or completely takes over your attention. You may feel like there is no distance between you and the reaction. If you feel annoyed or upset with a part of yourself, you’re most likely blended.

Do IFS parts represent different personalities?

Nope! IFS uses the concept of “parts” to describe different aspects of our internal experience and protective strategies. This does not mean that having parts is the same thing as having separate personalities or a dissociative disorder.

Can IFS help with trauma?

IFS can be used to explore protective responses associated with trauma, attachment wounds, and difficult experiences. We can work with parts that have been exiled from the system and gently release traumatic memories and orient to present day safety. IFS may also be integrated with other trauma therapies, including EMDR and somatic approaches.

Do I have to remember everything for IFS therapy to work?

No. You don’t have to remember every detail of your past to begin exploring your current thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and protective patterns.

Is IFS therapy right for everyone?

No single therapy approach is right for everyone. A consultation can be a helpful opportunity to talk about what you’re experiencing, what you’re looking for, and whether IFS therapy seems like an appropriate fit.

A Different Way of Understanding Yourself

Sometimes the part of you that you most want to change is the part that has been working the hardest to protect you.
IFS therapy offers an opportunity to slow down, listen, and become curious about those protective strategies.
The goal isn’t to force yourself to change.
Sometimes creating enough space to understand what is happening inside you is where something new can begin.

Ready to heal?

Call, text or email now to get a free consultation:
Contact – Colorado Wildflower Counseling
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Naomi Greenstone, LCSW is an EMDR-certified therapist in Colorado specializing in trauma, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, parenting, attachment wounds, nervous system regulation, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Deep Brain Reorienting, and Somatic Integration and Processing therapy.
Virtual therapy serving Denver, Aurora, Lakewood, Boulder, Longmont, Vail, Breckenridge, Colorado Springs, Fort Collins, Grand Junction, Durango, Telluride, Centennial, Parker Westminster, Arvada, Littleton, and surrounding Colorado communities.