The power of connection can help us heal from trauma, soothe our anxiety, lift our depression and normalize the stress we are feeling. In mental health, building connection with supportive community is a powerful foundation for healing. Just like all relationships, a good connection with your therapist is just as important as the IFS, EMDR and somatic therapy tools I use.
Our lives are so busy that often we don’t make time to heal from hurts from the past. When people ask how we are doing, we say the perfunctory “fine” and move on with the day to day surface level topics. While I was hiking recently in the stunning mountains of Colorado, I remembered that even though aspens look like individual trees clustered in sheltering groves – beneath the surface of the soil aspens share a vast interconnected root system known as a clonal colony — they’re part of the same living system and what helps them grow in all sorts of conditions.
Even though above ground they look like many trees, underneath the ground they are connected through their root system and support each other in different ways. They share nourishment such as water and nutrients with each other through their connected root system, they alert each other to attacks or communicate about other aspects of the environment and will even send new tree shoots up if one tree dies – they protect and nurture each other and as a result they thrive together.
Much like aspens, when we have community we might get support by sharing concerns through text messages, phone calls, going for a walk or an outing with a friend or even sending massive amounts of relevant memes back and forth can help us feel less alone. When one of us is going through something hard, we might organize a meal train or child or pet care or send each other care packages. Just like aspens, we heal in community. We grow stronger when we let safe people in and it can even help shift our attachment wounds by providing new experiences with others.
We can move beyond survival mode and find enjoyment in our lives again. Often we move through every day in survival mode moving from work to parenting or other activities and just trying to get to the next day or next anticipated thing or we might even view a vacation as a set of tasks we have to accomplish and get through. When we can rest and ask for support from others we decrease not only our isolation, but we feel like people have our back and that we can handle the hard things that inevitably come up.
When we allow ourselves to be part of safe, supportive community, we don’t have to face everything alone. Part of what creates PTSD is not only the trauma, but what happens after and if we get support, if we feel validated, or if we face it alone. We can let others nourish us when we’re depleted. We can offer strength when someone else is struggling. Healing happens in relationships—when we feel seen, supported, and connected.
You are not alone. Even if you feel like you’re standing on your own, your roots can still find connection even if it’s one small step at a time. Something magical happens when we breathe in the same space as someone else. When we finally answer truthfully the question of “how are you doing.” When we open ourselves up to being held. Our nervous systems can help regulate each other. Just as we can ramp or hype each other up with our energy, we can also find comfort with others. It can feel scary to open yourself up depending on how people have been there or not been there for you in the past, but if we can find small ways of opening up again, you may find the safe people who can be a part of your healing journey.
Whether it’s reaching out to a friend, people you know online group or play a video game with, reaching out to a therapist, or simply letting yourself be seen by the people who are in your life-healing isn’t meant to be a solo journey and you deserve support.
